The Divine Touch of that supernatural power...

Did you ever get a feeling that you are being watched...
Did you ever feel that what just happened, was a deja vu...
Did you ever feel that divine intervention...

How does it feel that one fine moment you might lose everything that you have, and the very next... everything falls in place.

I have always ... I mean always ... have been a atheist, but can a sequence of events change the course of the thoughts of your mind.

Rise and Fall of the Phoenix.

The Myth

The phoenix bird symbolizes immortality, resurrection and life after death. In ancient Greek and Egyptian mythology, it is associated with the sun god. According to the Greeks, the bird lives in Arabia, near a cool well. Every morning at dawn, the sun god would stop his chariot to listen to the bird sing a beautiful song while it bathed in the well. Only one phoenix exists at a time. When the bird felt its death was near, every 500 to 1,461 years, it would build a nest of aromatic wood and set it on fire. The bird then was consumed by the flames. A new phoenix sprang forth from the pyre. It embalmed the ashes of its predecessor in an egg of myrrh and flew with it to Heliopolis, "city of the sun," where the egg was deposited on the altar of the sun god. In Egypt, it was usually depicted as a heron, but in the classic literature as a peacock or an eagle.

The Reality

You wish life was that simple, to fall and rise again. I know, I know it builds character and the people who rise after they fall are the ones that..... I may say.... totally Rock.
Welcome the real world pretty boy, life is never what it seems, you think that the shadow in front of you in that scorching heat is the oasis you were looking for... na na, sorry son that is just a fragment of your imagination. You though one day you would be a space astronaut and look down upon earth and realize how insignificant the human life form is! As luck would have it you never reached the moon, but one thing you did find out. We are insignificant, in our own selves, in the existence of the people around us.

What do you when you fall, you hurt yourself, moreover, its the expectations of the other people around you that hurt more... You were supposed to be a class apart from the crowd. do you think you really are... 'A class apart'.... Well the only way to prove yourself is to burn in that fire.... go down to ashes.... realize what the dream is all about.... rise again to the sky and be reincarnated... once you do that, you would gain respect and the dignity from all around you that you thought you had lost.

The worst part about the whole deal is that you might fall again.... and as it did to the phoenix... It will happen.... Thou shalt burn in that fire to ashes again.

Think about a hypothetical scenerio, what if we are all dreaming, what if all of this that we do is nothing but a simulation of something, that never was or never will be.... wouldn't that make everything a lot more easier.... yes it would my dear friend!!! Yes it would!!!

As of this day 25th December' 2007, I declare myself to be free of all bondings with the real world. There exists no emotion, no feeling, no hatred or love in me for this reality. I am sick and tired of this. If anyone of you out there read this.... remember, I still pretend to do what the world desires, and the only reason that this landed on my blog is because, irrespective of all the friends, family and the people I care about, were either too ignorant to realize my frame of mind, or were just not interested to hear as to what I had to say, or maybe they were too busy, or maybe I wasn't important to them.....

Welcome to another era of mankind, I have to share my thought on the web to take out my anger, because no one around me actually has the time to hear or listen to what I have to say.....

Or maybe I am just psychotic and crazy....
Right now the phoenix is on the fall.....

The Presence at Night...

After a really tough day, I decide to skip beer, I drink too much anyways so its always good to skip once in a while. I am tired so I hit the bed, soon enough I am in deep sleep. It seems like it is like 1 am in the morning and my sleep is disturbed by someone moving around in my room...

I open my eyes, its an old man with a ghastly face, its as white as the snow and I can see the deep impressions under his eyes, he stares directly at me. For some reason I can't move my body is frozen, my muscles have been paralyzed, I try really hard to breathe, every breath is an effort in itself. I can feel my heart beat go thomp, thomp, thomp, thak, dhak...

What does this man want? Why is he here? and why the hell can't I move my self? I wan to get up and scream, but my lungs choke on me, the fear settles in and I know at this point I am completely helpless!

He takes hold of my bedsheets under me and starts tugging, he pulls and I get dragged along with it, I fall on the floor with a loud thud, my body behaves like a dead corpse, but my mind is still fighting. The man walks right through the door, and its not open, the bed sheet slides under the door crack and I keep moving towards the door, it is at this point that when my body cannot go through the closed door that my lungs get this gasp of air and body is awakened by this lighting of realism that shoots through my brain to my physical self.....

AhAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH....
AhAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH....
AhAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH....

three screams come out of mouth and wake up in sweat and fear...

It was just another dream.....
One of many......

The Devil with in....

Is the Crazy voice inside my head a representation of who I am? or Is it just me introspecting!!!!

The beginning
It starts in the brain, you think you are invincible, every passing moment of your life, the smallest particle of the biggest missile, it cannot hit you. You have the power... in fact you are the power, to create, destroy, recreate and throw away. Life is a cake walk, everyone else is wrong, you are right... in fact you are PERFECT, you have the might and the will to do anything, get as many girls you want, have as much drugs you want and it would never ever have the slightest impact on your life......

but then reality strikes and the dream is over...

you spend three years in rehab, your body is broken in many places, the doctors fight to put you back together, its painful, its bloody, its agonizing, you fight for your worth day in and day out, physiotherapy, medicines, more medicines, injections, more injections, pills, lots of them, you eat more pills than your food. Its endless, goes on forever, will it ever end.... and finally it does.....

The body knows no bound for the pain it shuts it out if it has too much of it, what happens later.... the psychotic brain it creates images day in and day out of things you have never seen, fear you have never felt. Pain uh... what was that. You are taken over by a desire to have more want more and achieve more out of life. But its not that easy... you are bound by the realities of life.....

The question still remains.... after fighting for so long and hard, it still does not feel that I have reclaimed my life.... how the hell do I do it?

The Present
Does the presence of a specific individual make a life/death of a difference in your life. How can this happen that the pain inflicted to other is felt by you. I never knew that I would let my guard down in front of someone so fast and so low that I really feel I could be struck down by a single blow.

Why if life so freakin tough, all you ever want is more, you want a bigger car, a better house, more love, more respect, or is it that you need none of these things. You just want peace of mind. A serene environment with a cup of coffee and a beautiful landscape to look at. I probably have lived half of my good life already and what's left in the remaining half simply amazes me and makes me feel overawed as to what will happen next.

I know..... All "I" want is peace of mind and nothing else.... rest all that I do is for other people in my life.... Given a choice I would leave everything here and move to some remote place with the least of civilization and be happy there....

But, that is one choice I will never get to make!!!

Ironical, I thought it was supposed to be my life......